What it Means to Know Yourself

What it Means to Know Yourself

I stood in my living room before a full length mirror and – for a good length of time – watched myself eat vegan cheddar popcorn straight out of the bag.

As I stood there contemplating my appearance – and my existence – while munching on handful after handful of starchy goodness, I noticed: Something was different.

Over the course of my 28 years, I have on many occasions curiously observed myself in mirrors and camera displays. I’ve partaken in my fair share of self-timer photo shoots, diligently choosing my Instagram filters for the most flattering polish. I have deleted and re-taken “candid” shot after “candid” shot. In short, my physical appearance and I are well acquainted.

But this time there was something missing. Something that felt very familiar and suddenly very absent. And that something was scrutiny.

I am void of scrutiny

It feels a little odd, though not at all unpleasant. How could it? In that moment I was suddenly at peace with – everything. My weight. The dark circles beneath my eyes. My age. Even the sharpness of my nasal bone, which can look anywhere from dainty to profuse depending on the angle and one’s vantage point. And as I stood and munched and munched and stood – I knew full well why I so suddenly accepted myself without resistance.

You see, in the last year, I met myself. I ventured into an exercise of self recognition. I began dissecting and dissolving many of the things I knew made me be ME, and I did it by constantly asking:

“What does my emotional reaction (to XYZ) say about me?” and “Why am I having this reaction?”

The ‘I’ we tend to identify with is simply the accumulation of all the experiences we’ve ever had, which in turn have each triggered a different set of emotional responses – thus making us who we (think) we are by systematically labeling, defining, compartmentalizing, and ultimately separating ourselves from the outside world. But the truth is all of those unavoidable events in our history – while they all had divine purpose and were in fact crucial for our personal growth in the moment we experienced them – are not truly US. They are experiences – meant to be experienced and then let go of completely. But because truly experiencing anything new requires a willingness to face the dreaded unknown, we instead often recoil, following the impulse to instead protect ourselves from that which may hurt us. And because of this automatic defense mechanism, remnants of the unfinished experience cling on somewhere deep inside our subconscious; it can wreak havoc on our daily lives, our self image, our ability to experience love, joy, fear, pain – everything.

Life Sucks and then you die. Or not?

If you find yourself anxious, unhappy, or fearful, don’t assume that’s just the way things are and surrender to it. You are the author of your thoughts – which in turn are the authors of your emotions. If you truly want to know yourself and understand why you are the way you are, you must dig through every experience and find the original. The one that triggered them all.

Let me give you a personal example using a classic: shame.

I recently completed a creative project that I did not feel properly represented my artistic abilities and therefore caused me to be ‘ashamed’ of the end result. Any time I showed it to anyone, I felt a strong surge of anxiety which was inevitably followed by me rattling off a list of excuses as to why it had turned out sub par. I knew I had to make peace with it if I wanted to gain anything from the experience. So I decided to get to the bottom of it.

The morning of a film festival where this particular project was going to be shown, I meditated with the intention of finding out where my searing shame originated from. And sure enough – I was led to a very distinct childhood memory. Because I have turned meditation into a habit (meaning I no longer question whether to do it or not, I just do it), I was able to locate the trigger.

Pink Pony Says Thank You

When I was 10 years old I felt isolated and unwanted in a new school. One day, (probably because the parents insisted), I was invited to a classmate’s slumber party. The day afterward I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for having been included that I handmade a card on which I wrote Pink Pony Says Thank You. It depicted, of course, a crudely drawn pink pony. Not long after presenting the 10-year-old host with my token of appreciation, the card was passed around the 5th grade classroom and ruthlessly mocked. Humiliated, I learned three lessons that day which I have carried with me and honored ever since:

  1. Just because you made it and just because you like it doesn’t mean anyone else will (cause for massive self-trust issues).
  2. Never show anyone anything you’ve created unless you’re willing to be ridiculed (cause for pessimistic outlook on future outcomes as a means to protect oneself from disappointment).
  3. It’s better not to care (cause for stifled experience/expression of appreciation).

Now, you can see how these deep-rooted belief systems could prove problematic, if not detrimental, when you are – like I am – pursuing a career in the arts.

And this is just one tiny, single example of thousands of instances in which a painful past experience got “stuck” in me – and you, and everyone – and is powerfully affecting the way we live our lives.

Reprogram Your Mind

The beauty of it all is that the recognition of this fact is the first step to changing the game. You don’t have to be a slave to your past. You can actively search and destroy those memories and essentially re-program yourself with new beliefs that will serve you better.

When I realized that this one experience was at the root of my shame issues surrounding my work, it was easy to see that forgiving myself was all I had to do to release it. The 10-year-old version of me that still unknowingly hated herself for having been so dumb to make a card that says Pink Pony Says Thank You could now understand – from the 28-year-old’s perspective – that I had done nothing wrong. In fact, my gesture was one fueled by love, kindness, and gratitude. Once I could clearly see that, I was able to forgive myself and be done with it. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I felt a tremendous weight lift off my shoulders – a weight I had carried around with me for so many years without ever questioning its validity.

And we all do that. We all carry the weight of our past experiences with us – completely unaware that the negative feelings of trapped emotion we feel are optional. We can choose to release them and be free once and for all. It’s what therapy accomplishes, only you don’t need a therapist to do it. All you need is:

  1. A willingness to do the work and find your triggers.
  2. The courage to want to know.
  3. The ability to see the past event objectively and let it go.

That is why I could stand and stare at my reflection and – for the first time – feel nothing but peace. Because for the last year, I have immersed myself in the challenge of getting to know myself. With the help of books like The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer and Ask and it is Given by Abraham Hicks, I was able to start recognizing the true nature of my Self and begin to make peace with it.

It has been a long journey, and it is far from over. But already life has become richer and sweeter than I ever imaged. So I invite you to join me – because inner peace is a reality for all of us.

We simply have to choose it.



How to Lucid Dream

Access to mystical realms is not reserved for the sages alone. Each night in dream time you have an opportunity to transcend the mundane and fly among all creation. Sleep is the state that unites all beings. A delicate respite of vulnerable slumber that we must all succumb. It is a mini death, entering the unknown landscape and the rebirth that morning brings. For those adventurous enough to transcend the material world, a portal to the universe awaits.

The most basic of human functions is the need for sleep. Yet deep within this nebulous state, awaits an opportunity for profound healing and spiritual evolution.

Lucid dreaming is a gate on any consciousness explorer’s journey.

Lucid dreams offer the quickest and most direct pathway to our spiritual destiny. Lucid dreaming is a state of consciousness, when we are aware that we are dreaming. Some might suggest it gives us the ability to control our dreams; this view is driven by ego. Lucid dreaming is best understood as a spiritual state present within each of us that heightens our human experience.

Dreams are our birthright and grant us access to the most potent channels of healing and spiritual enlightenment. Explore the steps below to cultivate your lucid dreaming skills.

KEEP A DREAM JOURNAL

Track your dreams to learn the themes and landscapes. If you dream of a passed relative or your childhood home, your mind recognizes this as a dream. The goal is to become cognizant of these motifs so your brain can alert you to your sleeping state.

It is best to write down your dreams upon first waking to capture as much as you can. Also, don’t jump out of bed in the morning. To record the most vivid details, stay in the same space and wake gently.

SET AN INTENTION

Before sleeping state, “I will remember my dreams. I will have a lucid dream.” This affirmation sets within your brain and body the fertile possibility for it to occur. When you can enter into sleep with a clear intention of what you want to experience, your brain can easily conspire to orchestrate this in lucid dream time.

GET ENOUGH SLEEP

If your body and brain are tired, you won’t have enough time in the REM cycle to explore the spaces where lucid dreams occur. Go to bed a bit earlier to honor the sacred space you wish to traverse.

SET AN ALARM

Lucid dreams happen during the REM phase, a few hours before waking. Set an alarm to go off 1-2 hours before you normally wake. Stay awake for 15-30 minutes in a calm space and one which you can gently return to sleep. This will aid you in being more aware that you are dreaming.

LUCID DREAM TOOLS

There are many aids that can improve our chances of a lucid dream.

CRYSTALS

Quartz is a great stone for memory and can help you recall the details for your dream journal. If you want to up your likelihood of a lucid dream, scolecite and danburite when combined are powerful allies to trigger this state.

BINAURAL BEATS

Binaural beats are sound frequencies that aid the brain by playing tones at slighted altered intervals. Specific waves to induce REM and our theta state have assist in lucid dreaming when played at the right sleep cycle.

LET TECHNOLOGY HELP

A plethora of apps exist to alert you when you are in REM and prepare you consciously for your lucid dream time. The Aurora Dream Headband goes one step further to detect brainwaves and flash mild lights when you reach REM. None of these will guarantee a lucid dream but they will significantly up your chances!

HERBS

Sacred plants have long been a boon to the spiritually aware. There are many herbs to support lucid dreams including valerian root and mugwort. Your best bet is ready made blends you can find online and will save you countless trips to the apothecary.

REALITY CHECKS

Performed while awake, these playful tests will bleed over into your dream state to trigger the awareness that you are actually asleep.

  • Push hands together – in a dream your hands will go through each other
  • Pinch nostrils to stop breathing – in a dream breath will be unaffected
  • Look at a book – in a dream, the words will change or be indecipherable
  • Count – in a dream, easy brain functions like math and numbers don’t compute
  • State “I am awake” – in a dream, state “I am dreaming”

 

DREAM YOGA

When you want to move into the deep study of your dreams for healing and total transformation, dream yoga is the graduate level. It is an ancient practice employed by the Tibetan Buddhists. This observes the spiritual development that lucid dreams offer. As shamans honor the dream space for their continued work, so too do the yogis revere this time for continuing their mindfulness training.

Holecek states “The purpose of these practices is to integrate lucidity and flexibility with every moment of life and to let go of the heavily conditioned way we have of ordering reality, of making meaning, of being trapped in delusion.”

Learn more about the benefits of lucid dreaming below.

Read Article

Our unique blend of yoga, meditation, personal transformation, and alternative healing content is designed for those seeking to not just enhance their physical, spiritual, and intellectual capabilities, but to fuse them in the knowledge that the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts.


Use the same account and membership for TV, desktop, and all mobile devices. Plus you can download videos to your device to watch offline later.

Desktop, laptop, tablet, phone devices with Gaia content on screens
Testing message will be here